I choose not to be a mum

I choose not to be a mum

I know a lot of new mums; all I have to do is visit my Facebook news feed and I can’t miss the huge range of photos and videos of children dancing to Beyonce or eating lipstick. Cute little terrors.

I understand that people breed for different reasons and, when they do, I understand that that child becomes the most special, or important aspect of a parent’s life. I’ve seen your faces and I am genuinely happy they make you so happy, but I’m going to tell the world why kids simply aren’t for me…

Whenever I mention my plan of a child-less future to people they always ask ‘why?’. Some have commented that it’s a selfish way of living; saving yourself time and money at the expense of not continuing the family history. Others say I will end up lonely later in life, with nobody to look after me or pick up my health bills.

Have you met kids today? Seriously.

My stepmother teaches kids aged 11-16 and last night I heard some horrific stories. I’m sure she won’t mind me commenting that she can be a very scary/intimidating lady, lovely when she wants to be but can drive 16 year old boys to tears in about 10 seconds. It is genuinely impressive! These kids still talk back to her, they purposefully seem to act out or push the boundaries and I have noticed that about kids these days in general.

Last summer I remember Rick having to chase and shake some young teenage kids for throwing apples at his £3,000 camera. Have you seen Rick Nunn?!!! I would not mess with him. They thought they could out-run a 20-something, bearded, tattooed guy after calling his girlfriend a slag and potentially breaking his hard-earned photography equipment.

This is the generation who are supposed to look after us? Rick and I have mentioned before that generations seem to be changing faster, developing even faster than the technology that surrounds them. Don’t get me wrong I love how accessible information is these days; with the internet in the palm of your hand, but maybe that is bad news for todays younger generation? They have anytime-access to adult content and must lose years from their childhood.

My younger brothers, the youngest being 10 years younger, often taught me swear words that I had never heard before after a day of school.

It’s not the parents fault, it’s not the teachers fault, maybe they just have more power than they used to?

I can’t believe how young girls dress. My parents wouldn’t let me go out like that. I’ve seen 12 year olds wearing makeup and they even make high-heeled shoes in junior sizes now too. I’d have killed for some high-heels in those sizes. I always had tiny feet, even as an older teenager, but I wouldn’t have worn them around the supermarket with my chiropodist mother.

The human population is expanding, what will happen when it gets too large? In this country there are more than 2.5 million unemployed, there isn’t enough demand for work to meet the increase in population that we face every year. People are starting to question the relevance of school in education. I find it hard to argue with that video.

My genes have meant that I have suffered chronic migraines, have the immune system of a gnat (I imagine that has quite a weak one, yeah?) and anxiety that has often made me feel like a prisoner without free will. I think I’ll save some poor kid the trouble of dealing with all that physical trauma, while struggling for a job, being forced into a somewhat-pointless education and then turning out to be someone who doesn’t respect authority or discipline.

Perhaps I’m just the wrong kind of person to be a parent; too kind-natured and terrified of creating something that will effectively spend a lot of time hating me.

I would be very interested to hear what you guys think, I won’t be persuaded but I’d love to hear your views on parenting and the future.

  • I couldn’t agree more

    Kids these days are absolute b*stards, I can’t count the number of times me and Rick have had to chase a bunch of chavs away from the office or nearly ended up in a fight with some cocky 12 year old talking back to you.

    I disagree about it not being the parents faults though – we live in a generation of people who kick their kids out on the street after school so they can sit and watch TV in peace. People who don’t want to spend time with their kids and even worse people who only have kids to claim the benefits that come with them, thank you UK government, you’ve done an awesome job of making people with no jobs and kids better off than those that work hard every day.

    The thing that really bothers me is all the low education, unqualified, rude kids of today in 10 years time will be having their own kids, and how will they bring them up?

    I really don’t want to be around to see what the UK is like in 3 or 4 generations time :(

    I chose not to have kids and I’ve also had the selfish argument thrown in my face and do you know what… it is and I don’t care. I could have kids and spend the next 25 years scraping money together and feeling bitter about all the things I can’t do with my own life, or I can spend the next 30 years of my life racing cars, travelling the world and living.

    You only get one life, I don’t think if we all just sacrifice our lives to reproduce that the human race is really going to go anywhere except downhill.

  • I enjoyed reading this :-)

    As a 27 year old in a 7 year relationship the prospect of being a parent appeals to me as much sandpapering my eyeballs or watching an episode of Hollyoaks. I too get called selfish, I just say “yes I am”, there’s too much out there to do and see! Or I’m doing my bit for the population.

  • Enjoyed the article a lot :-) I never wanted children personally largely for the reasons you’ve highlighted so well. Fortunately for me, the rhythm method didn’t work out terribly well and I’m now blessed with a pair of terrors. Equally fortunate was that we had them young so I’m hoping that as they grow up and flee the coop we get to relive some of our youth!

    I do think the ‘look at children today’ viewpoint is a little dramatic. I grew up in the 80’s and I knew plenty of kids who were equally rude/cheeky/ignorant/twattish as anything I’ve seen nowadays. Is it worse? I don’t know for sure. Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

    I also feel quite strongly that the parents ARE to blame. Discipline is critical to any young human being, children will always test boundaries and when they do they must find those boundaries strong and sure.

    My eldest is diagnosed with Autism and he can be a proper little penis at times but he still has boundaries set, he still knows what’s wrong and what isn’t. He gets a little leeway in certain situations where we know there are lots of triggers which will upset him of course. However, there are few excuses for badly behaved children where the role of the parent is not central.

    The only time selfish can ever be used is if your partner wants children. If that’s the case and you’re refusing whilst encouraging a relationship then yes, selfish, otherwise though (and I guess this is your situation) then its got buggerall to do with anyone else.

    Well done for not having children. If you change your mind in the future your post gives me great confidence that you would raise a superb human being :-)

  • d ablewhite

    Just think, maybe your Mother had exactly the same fears, thoughts and feelings, never willingly wanted to bring children into a very uncertain world, thinking it would be unfair on them, but then had the life changing shock of expecting not just one but a small litter. After all the education and career training, it was a shock to find you don’t get a manual with what must be the hardest but most rewarding of all jobs. Let’s be honest you turned out a bit better than OK, nothing wrong with thinking you don’t ever want to have children, but be careful not to miss one of the most precious experiences in life.

  • You’re so right about the parents who do it for the benefits. I can’t stand it, it’s probably those kids who are a bad influence on the ones who have parents who actually try hard.

    I hope somehow this vicious circle is broken and that, at some point, someone will step in and take control. Bring back the cane is what I say :P but seriously I worry about the future.

    And I’m totally with you on the future, if you don’t have the money then don’t do it, surely it’s more selfish to take benefits from other tax payers. People confuse me so much. I get that accidents happen, but then you have to accept that responsibility.

    Most rated comment ever, Phil :P

  • There’s no doubt about it – making smacking your kids illegal was one of the worst things this country ever did.
    I misbehaved as a kid but after getting slapped on the back of the knees a few times I didn’t do it again!