Sins from the Office of One

Sins from the Office of One

Forgive me reader for I have sinned, it has been 5 months since my last publication.

I used to blog at least twice a week and I really miss that. Over-sharing is my forte, am I right Mr. Postman who now just signs my parcels for me?! The days would roll by and I’d be standing in the shower (because I’m super conventional like that) thinking to myself ‘why don’t I blog anymore?’ and then I came up with a tonne of reasons that made me feel better for this sudden abandonment.

These reasons all revolve around working for myself and working from home. It’s a tough combination to beat. You tend to overwork yourself instead of doing things that you used to do for fun. Spending time writing tweets or blog posts makes me feel guilty that there’s client work waiting. Plus it’s hard to find the energy with a seven month old puppy to run around after all day.

Here are 5 reasons why I’ve let my blog slip, and 5 ways I now plan on fixing it:

1. I chose a breed of dog that has a lot more energy and willpower than I do.

If he used this power for good rather than evil he’d be a genuine hero! However, whenever he’s feeling particularly energetic (now about 80% of the day, rather than the former 99%) he jumps and digs frantically at the furniture or relentlessly barks at the windows, which is great fun for everyone involved. He’s single-paw-idly keeping Nurofen manufacture in high production. Every morning I plan on powering through a blog post while he naps for half an hour in the afternoon but by then I’m surrounded by the mess he’s just made and being stared at by the piles of laundry that have developed in each room, and I’m just so tired. It’s only been the past couple of months that I’ve not actually napped at the same time as him! He is exhausting. Bring on the end of adolescence. Also, while I’m on the subject, if someone could make it acceptable for puppies to wear nappies for the first year then that would make my life a lot easier/cleaner/more-dry-shoes-in-my-life. ‘kay? Thaaaaaanks.

Plan of action: Nap less, woman.


2. I rarely speak to humans.

Honestly, other than apologising profusely to strangers in the park who have just had muddy paw prints scattered all up the front of their cream trousers, I hardly speak to anybody at all. I’ve developed little voices and personas for things in the house. And not just the animals, no no; the kettle is often very interruptive of my rants with it’s derogatory high-pitched whistle and don’t get me started on the coffee machine. I’ve become the kind of person that actually enjoys sales people coming to the door. I gave the British Gas man a mini ham and pickle brown bagel last week, that I had to pretend wasn’t for the dog.

Plan of action: Make more effort to mingle, for goodness sake.


3. I have become less interesting.

Working for myself means I spend more time obsessing over every detail (because there’s no boss to question my decisions) which leaves less time to catch up with my constantly updating Twitter feed. Twitter was my number one source for getting the lowdown on the latest and greatest but when did I last tweet something original? *Checks my profile* 16 days ago! 16!! This highly upsets me. I used to be hilarious you know, TimeHop reminds me every morning. This time last year I was working for a high-fashion male-underwear company, interviewing models and going through their boxer drawers, there was never a dull day. For the first time in five years I don’t have any colleagues which means that there’s nobody around to show me the latest cool thing they’ve discovered on the internet the night before. So I’m going to have to do a lot more of my own research.

Plan of action: Use kettle-boiling time to tweet/catch up on current affairs.


4. I should avoid distraction.

Eyes are a pain in the ass (you need them, though). I’m just always surrounded by little piles of guilt; I say little but the ironing pile is now more like an ironing sofa. It’s hard to ignore the ever-changing callings of the house. I just did the washing up last night, why is the cat already making a nest out of the plates in the sink?! Also, five months ago, there were no neighbours on one side of the house. Since then, a family have moved in that have two large dogs and one very small child. The child cries throughout the night and the dogs bark throughout the day, so my home office has suddenly become less desirable to work in. I fear that the open-window season of summer will only make it worse. I also think that I might need a little bit of distance from the fridge. I love you Smeg, but I can’t walk past you without checking what’s inside. I came close to eating some very questionable jam this morning. There are no bounds to my procrastination curiosity.

Plan of action: Be free! Go and work in/from other places.


5. Something bigger is coming. 

And it’s not winter. Although Game of Thrones should be back soon, right?!!! Seriously though, are you ready… I am writing a book. Yes. Now I have declared it here for all to see, and I must actually complete it. 2015 is for finishing stuff. I’m determined. Is it fictional, you ask? Nope. My award-winning fiction will have to wait, I’ve had to scrap the entire vampire theme. So, is it factual? Also nope. This is because I don’t know much about anything specific, unless there is demand for a book about the television show Friends, it’s best to leave the task of informing to the professionals. If I was to try to categorise it, I would call it a journal. Of sorts. It’s more of a personal project than anything, but my hope is that people will find the concept interesting enough to want to know more. Intrigued? Oh God, please be intrigued. The first rule of publishing is to have a clear category. So I’m screwed. But all will be revealed when I have a plan on how to reveal it. Go Spadge, go!

Plan of action: Put the book aside at least one day and evening a week.

Hopefully my next post will come to you from a coffee shop of some kind, tweeting while I wait for my coffee to cool down, followed by some conversation with the human being sat at the table next to me, and then using the acquired caffeine energy to write another chapter of my mystery book/unicorn.